Wedding Speeches - Wedding Speech Etiquette

Weddings can be fraught occasions. An inappropriate remark can ruin the day for the couple. That is why it is so important that those giving a speech on the wedding day should be very careful about what they say.

That is not to say, of course, that they should not be light-hearted or witty. It is just to remind you that what may seem hilarious at the bachelor party might not sound equally funny to the bride's mother or grandmother. A good speaker always tailors his or her wedding speech to the audience.

Weddings are usually family affairs and there may even be children present. That is why a speaker should not tell a smutty joke for example. There are some things that are taboo and should never be mentioned. One is that no mention should be made of the wedding couples' past love life. A wedding day is obviously not the time either to make racist or political remarks. Nor is it a time to refer to previous husbands or wives, unless, of course, with the couple's agreement. You need to be careful too about mentioning a family death. Again you should consult the wedding couple because the bride or groom might want his or her mother or father remembered on his or her big day.

A wedding speech should, ideally be warm and positive. You should speak about the virtues of the wedding couple and their suitability for each other. It's ideal to mention their hobbies and their wonderful personalities. You could show you have done your homework by mentioning some childhood incident or something that shows either the bride or groom in a good light.

Obviously it depends on why you are speaking. If you are the father of the bride your wedding speech should be about how proud you are of your daughter and how much she means to you. You should mention her growing years and pay a gracious compliment to her mother. You ought to welcome the groom and his family into yours and end by toasting the happy couple. If, of course, there is divorce or family disagreement you have to be very careful not to mention it but concentrate on your daughter and her future happiness.

You may be the bride's uncle or a family friend rather than the bride. If so, you should mention her father if that is appropriate and say that you are honored to be speaking at his daughter's wedding. If her father has disappeared or should not be mentioned for some reason then simply say how honored you are to speak at the wedding of someone who is close to you. Your speech should mention how happy you are for the wedding couple and how you know that the groom is an ideal choice for her. You should mention how lovely the bride looks on her special day. You should say that the groom and his family will make a lovely addition to hers. The wedding speech should be touching and personal. It should end with a toast to the couple.

If the bride chooses to speak she will usually thank her parents for their love over the years. She will say how happy she is to be marrying her groom. She may thank those who helped her organise the wedding and she will usually say how wonderful her in-laws are too. Her speech is not traditional so she can make it very short and sweet.

The groom will, of course say, how beautiful his bride is. He will speak of his parents and how much they mean to him. He will mention his best man and the experiences they have shared over the years. He should speak too of his new in-laws and how welcoming they have been. He should say how happy he is that his bride has married him and that he looks forward to their future together. He will end his wedding speech with a toast to the bridesmaids.

A best man on the other hand, is usually the MC for the day so he is expected to keep the ball rolling. In his wedding speech he should refer to his friendship or kinship to the groom. He is expected to be light-hearted and to introduce the speakers in turn. So if there is a clergyman or woman present he invites them to speak first. Then he invites the father of the bride or friend of the family to speak. The father of the groom and perhaps the bride herself or her maid of honor follows this. Then the groom should speak and it is the best man's duty to respond to the groom's toast to the bridesmaids and, finally to read out any messages of congratulation. Before he does so, however, he will toast the wedding couple if the bride's father has not done so already. If the bride's father has toasted them the best man will simply offer them his best wishes for the future.

Weddings are traditional occasions and most couple follow the usual wedding etiquette.

However there may be discord amongst families or there may be no family members present. In such a case a friend of the wedding couple may speak and wish them well and toast them in a light-hearted or jocular way. However it is their special day and the remarks, however, light-hearted, should be sincere. Above all a wedding speech should be gracious no matter who or what the personalities involved. So if the father of the bride is divorced and bitter he should still be able to say one good thing about the bride's mother such as she is a great mother. The bride or the groom should never be upset by family discord on such a day.

Nobody is giving marks out of ten for the speech etiquette. Nonetheless just as you would not go to a black tie in your jeans your speech should suit the occasion. That is it should speak of the bride's beauty, how much the groom suits her and of the wonderful future that lies ahead. If you incorporate these things in your wedding speech you can't go far wrong.

Niamh Crowe
Copyright Speechwriters 1994-2007
marketing@speech-writers.com
http://www.speech-writers.com/wedding_speeches.htm
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Niamh Crowe is the CEO of the web's leading speech site (http://www.speech-writers.com) according to Alexa.com and Ranking.com. Online since 1994, her site has thousands of speeches for every event and occasion including birthdays, weddings, graduations etc. She lives in Ireland where she is married to Fred. The have 5 children.

Basic Wedding Ceremony Etiquette

Most people have been to a lot of weddings, but it is always a good idea to get an etiquette refresher. The ceremony is the part of the wedding which is filled with the most tradition, and therefore ceremony etiquette is especially important. Before you plan or attend a wedding, be sure that you know all of the basic wedding ceremony etiquette.

Never Upstage the Bride. This is a key point of ceremony etiquette. It is the bride's day to shine in her wedding gown and pearl bridal jewelry, and no guest or member of the bridal party should do anything to draw attention away from the bride. This is the origin of the ban on wedding guests wearing white to a ceremony - the color is reserved for the bride alone. Very flashy, low cut, overly fancy, or extremely casual attire should also be avoided for the same reason. And it is no fair for the sister of the bride to dye her hair fuchsia the day before the wedding to get some attention.

Never Interrupt the Processional. If a wedding is scheduled to begin at 1pm, that does not mean that guests should arrive at the church at 1pm. They should plan to be there at least 15 minutes before the ceremony begins to allow time for the ushers to seat them at to get settled in. Once the mother of the bride is seated, that is the signal that the processional is starting. Any stragglers should wait outside the church doors (or stand in the back of the church if already inside) until the bride has walked down the aisle glowing in her gown and pearl bridal jewelry. Guests should never be in the aisle at the same time as a member of the wedding party.

Silence Cell Phones. This is a new piece of etiquette that needs to be mentioned. A marriage ceremony is a solemn proceeding, and should never be interrupted by ringing cell phones. Turn off all electronic devices or better yet leave them in your car. There is also a strict taboo against using an electronic device during a wedding ceremony, even if it is quiet. This means no texting, browsing the web on your smart phone, or checking email on your Blackberry.

Respect Religious Customs. You may not share the bride and groom's religion, but you must respect it at their wedding. This generally means following along with the ebb and flow of the ceremony in cases where it is expected that the congregation will sit or stand at certain times. It also means participating in certain customs and abstaining from others. A non-Catholic attending a Nuptial Mass, for instance, would sit or stand with the rest of the congregation, but would not do the sign of the cross with the Catholic guests. One should not take Communion if not part of the religion, but it is proper to approach the altar with arms crossed to receive a blessing, if desired (it is also perfectly acceptable to quietly remain in your seat). All guests of any faith can definitely join in the joyous shouting of "Mazel Tov!" at the end of a Jewish wedding ceremony.

Refrain From Eating or Drinking. This is another point of etiquette which used to be self-evident, but now needs to be explicitly stated. If you are hungry, snack in the car on the way to the wedding. Don't do a Starbucks run on your way to the church. (I have actually seen entire families with paper cups of coffee in church, so this really needs to be said.) The only exception is slipping in a cough drop to quiet a cough that would be a distraction. By the way, one should never chew gum at a wedding, and that goes for the bride and groom too!

Cancelled Wedding Etiquette - Help In A Time Of Need

Even at this most joyous time in your life, things happen. Unfortunately, anything can happen up to the moment when you are standing at the altar ready to say "I do". Whether it was a simple misunderstanding, cold feet, cheating, or anything in-between, cancelling the wedding was never part of the plan.

Cancelled wedding etiquette provides guidance, covering everything and allowing you to gracefully and "properly" wrap things up. Having the wedding cancelled at the last moment is a traumatic experience. Using the rules of wedding etiquette as a guide will allow you to walk away with the pride of knowing that you handled the situation as well as it could have been.

Death in the Family

If the wedding date has been cancelled due to a death in the family, etiquette says that you should allow 6 months before rescheduling. This is considered a respectful amount of time to allow the family members and it shows great respect for the lost relative. There are provisions for shortening this time to two or three months, but in this case, the wedding must be simplified to show the family the respect due to them.

Family Members

Sometimes, engagements can be broken by family members. If this has happened, work to resolve the matter as discretely a possible. Wedding etiquette allows that only the couple can decide if they will cancel the wedding or postpone it to a later date.

Broken Engagement

Although a broken engagement can be embarrassing, family and friends are sure to be curious about the circumstances that caused the break. Etiquette, properly followed will keep them from prying. It also allows that the couple has the right not to tell anyone.

If the wedding is cancelled indefinitely, the consequences will be minimal if proper notice is given far enough in advance.

The first, obvious step, after a wedding is cancelled is to inform the family and guests that there will be no wedding celebration. If there is enough time before the actual ceremony, sending cards to family and friends announcing the broken engagement is suitable.

All of the arrangements that were made for the wedding date itself should be cancelled. There will likely be some companies will ask for payment, either all or part of the expected fees. Wedding etiquette requires that you handle yourself with style and grace during all of these encounters.

Cancelling on the DAY OF the Wedding

If the wedding is cancelled on the day of the wedding, the announcement must be made verbally and as soon as possible for obvious reasons. This announcement can be made by a family member with the couple shielded from the guests if they require it.

Being left at the altar

If you find yourself left at the altar, consider turning it into an occasion. Your guests have all come together, ready for a celebration. Why not allow them to attend a party and enjoy being dressed rather than send them home to talk.

Since, by this point, the wedding reception has been paid for, the person who paid for it can use the reception and continue on with the party for the guests' benefit. You need not attend, or you may wish to join your guests once you've changed.

The "Honeymoon" Trip

If you have already paid for the honeymoon trip, you may wish to take the trip as a getaway or a period of reflection. You can choose to take a close friend or family member to help make it a real vacation.

Wedding and Engagement Gifts

Etiquette says that these were all given to the couple to congratulate them on their wedding. This means all the gifts will have to be returned, including cash, appliances or any real estate that may have been received. This will ensure that none of your friends or relatives will feel that they have been taken advantage of.

Remember that cancelled wedding etiquette requires that you handle yourself with style and grace. This means that revenge is out of the question. Whatever the circumstances, hold your head up. Remember that your role in their life was as important to them as they were in your life. Try to respect that and allow for their feelings at this time as well as your own.

Everything You Need to Know to Create Your Own Amazing Wedding Speech!

Engagement Etiquette FAQs

Are you up to speed with all of the proper etiquette an engaged couples needs to know? From the proposal, to the engagement ring, to pre-wedding parties, brush up on the frequently asked questions about engagement etiquette.

Who Can Propose? Whoever is brave enough! While it is certainly still customary for the man to propose marriage, there is absolutely nothing wrong with the woman popping the question. Whichever partner decides to propose, be sure to make it a romantic and memorable occasion. If the woman decides to pop the question to her boyfriend, she can consider giving him a special piece of jewelry like a nice watch or a pair of engraved cufflinks. Some guys even wear "mangagement" rings, which are essentially just really cool bands - no diamonds required. When the woman is the one to propose, most couples will go together to shop for her special piece of bridal jewelry - the engagement ring - after the proposal has been accepted.

What If You Hate the Ring? This is a thorny issue. Many people will say that since the woman is the one who will be wearing the engagement ring, it is perfectly fine for her to speak up if the style is not to her liking. After all, if he got you an ultra-modern bezel set style and you have your heart set on vintage style bridal jewelry for your wedding, there will definitely be a clash of styles. However, there is also a very strong risk of hurting the man's feelings, which is not worth it. Personally, I think that it is best to wear the ring that your fiance chose for you, and plan to put your personal stamp on your bridal jewelry set by choosing a special wedding band. Of course, it would never be acceptable to tell your fiance that you don't like the ring he chose because the diamond is too small!

Who Should Be Told First About the Engagement? This one is easy: your parents. They may not always be the absolute first ones you tell (that special honor often goes to a sister or best friend), but they should be made to feel as though you came to them first. Do it quickly, before the news trickles out, because you never want your parents to hear of your engagement from a third party. If they live nearby, it is always nicest to share your good news in person, although a phone call is certainly fine if your parents live far away.

If Someone is Invited to the Engagement Party, Must They Be Invited to the Wedding? In a word, yes. Anyone who is invited to celebrate your engagement at an engagement party, bridal shower, or bachelorette party should also be invited to your wedding. This means that you should have a rough guest list made before sending out pre-wedding party invitations, lest you invite someone to your engagement party only to realize there is no room for them on the wedding guest list. The only time this rule can be bent is if the bride's co-workers decide to hold a small bridal shower for her at work. As long as the bride did not ask for the shower or invite them in any way, she would not be obligated to have her co-workers at her wedding, unless they are also her friends.

Who Keeps the Ring If the Engagement is Broken? Hopefully you will never have to deal with this situation, but weddings do get called off on occasion. Strictly speaking, etiquette says that if the man breaks the engagement, the woman may keep the engagement ring. That rule would not apply if the ring was a family heirloom from the man's side, however. Many women will choose to return the engagement ring anyway, because it is the gracious thing to do or because they just do not want a reminder of their ex-fiance. If the woman breaks the engagement, she should definitely return the engagement ring promptly.

Everything You Need to Know to Create Your Own Amazing Wedding Speech!